Maybe you’ve noticed, but I have children. Three daughters to be exact. The oldest is 11 years old, the middle child just turned 10 years old and the youngest just turned 6 years old. In each age-phase, there are a lot of difficulties to deal with. And always it will be a challenge to find a way you can be satisfied in situations on both sides, set (new) rules etc… For not only the parents but for the children too.
There are issues that will always be issued. And you always argue with them. In the beginning, you tell them, no, or you can tell them yes. But there are age-phases when the children are arguing until they get what they want. In this case, you have to be consequent about what have said. You can’t go back then. Although sometimes I want to, because I have regrets from what I have said. I learnt to think in the first place before I say something to them. I never do think. I don’t know why, but since I have children I do that more often. It gives me some peace too actually.
Issues for discussion with your children
Last days I have issues with my oldest daughter when using her mobile phone when she should turn it off and what amount of time she might be on her phone. But eventually, she wants to be on her phone all the time. She says she can’t without her phone. I had to give her a phone because my husband and I were not able to bring her to my sister once she had to practise with her for a concert a few days later. My sister was only a few days in The Netherlands as she lives in The United Kingdom with her husband. My sis gave my daughter some violin lessons (she is a violin teacher and I am an amateur violinist) for a concert a few days later. So my daughter had to go by train all by herself. I decided with her, back then, that she should learn how to be responsible for one thing. And now I realise that this was not the right decision. Hey, she has one now and I have to deal with this decision. I can’t go back as I said. I can give her consequences if she does not do what we have agreed on her telephone use. She knows that. And sometimes she uses it by other people.
Well, this is a big one, but there are lots of more issues; when to go to bed, when watching TV, why playing outside is better than being inside of the house all the time. All those issues challenge me to get out of my comfort zone but stay true to myself.
And also guide them through life as you wish you think they have to be raised, but also listen to them as they have a voice too. That is a tricky one. At the first side, you have to give them your boundaries and on the other side, you want to give them their own voice in life. The balance between your boundaries and their voice is important. Explain why you think certain things aren’t allowed or not to be said to people. But that there are different ways of human being thinks and live their life. And yet not understandable for everyone — even for me.
Two teenagers are challenging
Now my second daughter just turned 10 years old. She got a kind of a temperament last few weeks. She tries not to listen as well as her oldest sister. Well, not totally true, they both can listen very well, but there are times they are not listening to me as I say a thing about issues. Sometimes it is challenging to have two teenagers at home. Both getting their own character. They’re growing faster then I want them to grow… No, that is a joke. But that is the truth actually: they’re growing very fast — mentally and physically. I love to see them grow and get their own personality. That is really beautiful to see.
Sure, there are positive things about parenting as well. Like bonding with your child, doing fun things together. And they have such fun sentences about a thing that happened.